August 30, 2020

We had just arrived in Boston to move our son into his new apartment when we heard that David Flaum had died. It felt like a punch to the gut, a shock and then, just sadness.

While there have been many tributes to David as a pillar of the community, I want to pay homage to the vibrant, complex, interested and interesting man who I came to know and deeply respect as a human being, as what we call in Yiddish a mensch.

We first connected with David Flaum 20 years ago when we were still living in Washington, D.C. My husband had started a journey to make a difference near his hometown, Geneva, by moving his company to the former Seneca Army Depot in Romulus, Seneca County. His friends in real estate kept encouraging him to connect with this brilliant businessman from Rochester, David Flaum, who might give him some insight about the property and help him develop a vision for its future.

That meeting resulted in a partnership of over 20 years.  And while we have continued the business connection, it was always the deeper connections as a family that have been incredibly impactful to us, celebrating family milestones, participating in philanthropic endeavors, and yes, even, mourning losses together.

For me, it wasn’t just the big public things that made David so special – it was the personal connection that I will miss terribly.  It was the kindness that led him to connect with us as complete strangers before we even moved.  It was the warm welcome of our young family to a place where we knew very few people. And it was the total support, guidance and encouragement he provided to my husband and me in all our professional and personal endeavors. 

He was the one person I let use my childhood nickname because I knew it was a term of endearment. “Pammy,” he’d say when I walked into the room, and I’d just smile because his booming voice reminded me of my dad.

He always started every encounter with, “How are you?” and he would actually wait to hear the answer.  He wanted to know about our kids, always asking about their sports and academic pursuits. He spent time providing good counsel to our son on his college and career options.

He read my columns and would text me his comments, which made me smile. I was enormously proud that he understood my aim with this column and said to me, “You write what so many people are thinking.”

Sometimes we didn’t agree with each other, which would provoke lively conversation. But refreshingly, given the state of our world, our discourse was always bounded by principles of respect and generosity.

And that is what I valued the most about David Flaum – how his core values showed up in every fiber of his being, including: gratitude for all of life’s blessings; family above all; and making a difference for the world. 

That last one resulted in a spirit of giving that has been hugely impactful for major institutions like Syracuse University and University of Rochester.  But I was always amazed by how he made a difference, without fanfare, for so many individuals and smaller nonprofits in our community like the Special Touch Bakery of Holy Childhood and HUGS, among others.  

They say a life’s legacy is the mark you leave on the world when you are gone. David left the world a better place with his work, philanthropy and most important with his amazing family who continue to live his core values.  

For me, my own world was made better by how he welcomed generously, listened intently, and cared deeply – and that’s the legacy of a true mensch.

First Published in the Democrat and Chronicle and USA Today Network.