October 26, 2019

For the longest time, I didn’t realize I should love my body.

Despite being the daughter of both an obstetrician/gynecologist and a psychoanalyst whose entire life mission was women’s health, I didn’t understand that loving yourself meant loving your whole self — including all the movable parts.  

It’s no surprise.  Despite good professional intentions, my family still referred to me as the “big” little sister.  My sister was known as the “skinny” one — as if that’s what made her beautiful and not all the other beautiful things like her eyes, her hair and her heart.  

As the “big” one growing up in the age of Twiggy, I felt pressure to “fit” in — literally. It wasn’t about my health but my appearance. When I was 14, my mother took me to my first Weight Watchers meeting, starting me on decades of dieting to fit a mold.  

I started to equate beauty with body size. Between the supermodels of my generation “having it all” while frying up bacon in a pan (while never actually eating it) and my family telling me I would be so pretty “if only,” it was a recipe for body-image disaster and definitely not body positivity. 

In my junior year of college, I met a theater professor who started me on the journey to loving my body. Gail Humphries Mardirosian, now a dean at the women’s college, Stephens College, required her actors not only learn lines and do character development, but taught us our bodies were our instrument and we needed to care for them. 

My chosen art form was teaching me something that would serve me in my life.  It was the first time I ran to warm up, stretched and paid attention to my limbs, and I began to appreciate the body that would allow me to transform into another character.  

It was the start of a journey with a lot of challenges along the way, including an eating disorder and many years of therapy. Finally having my own daughter helped me realize that my body was a miracle at any size.  It can do amazing things like dance, give birth, and eat great food.  My flaws are what make me me. Cellulite, flappy arms, and my poochy belly – they are all mine, and to me they are absolutely beautiful.  

Even with all that I learned, I still wasn’t sure how to ensure my own daughter wouldn’t fall prey to the conflicting messages that flash across her phone screen every other second, including all those bodies made Instagram-perfect through enhancements at the flick of a finger. 

Thankfully there are other messages out there. People like Lizzo and Mary Lambert are changing perspectives through their art, celebrating our differences and our bodies.  

Kristie Schillaci, director of the Floor Dance Company in Rochester, was so moved by Mary Lambert’s song "Body Love," she decided to choreograph a piece for the girls at her studio and asked them to be a part of the creative process that started with the words, “I am beautiful.”  

Kristie partnered with Matt Spaull, Student Academy Award-nominated filmmaker and Creative Supervisor at Partners + Napier, to create a video version of the piece. The girls will perform it live at the Women’s Foundation of Genesee Valley Grants Luncheon on Nov. 6.

Kristie says the girls have grown through the process. In an email, she wrote, “They’ve shared stories, encouraged each other, and developed a powerful bond that radiates through their performance. I couldn’t be more proud of these young ladies for the strength and confidence they’ve displayed."  

Strength and confidence that I hope teaches body love to as many people as possible.

The Floor Dance Company performing Body Love.

As first published in the Democrat + Chronicle and on the USA Today Network