October 9th, 2020

The husband and I are getting an empty-nest do-over. And the best part is, it’s like I’m married to a whole new man.

After a number of unexpected weeks with our adult children, they've left to live on their own at their respective schools – graduate school for him, senior year of college for her.

At first the house seemed unusually quiet. And then I started to feel grateful for all that quiet. 

I realized I wouldn’t have to shop for four hungry adults.  Of course, this also meant that we would no longer have three gourmet, Instagrammable meals a day made by our budding chefs.

But it also meant we could eat nothing for dinner if we felt like it – and sometimes we feel like it.

I got excited to go back to our empty nest ways. Except, it had been so long, I’d forgotten what they were.

For example, I’d forgotten what it was like to have a conversation with just my husband without a young adult piping in their point of view.  I’d also forgotten what it was like to choose to not talk at all because you just want to stare at the television. (True love sometimes means not having to talk at all.)

I realize now, though, that being with our kids changed us.  We got a little younger too. We had more energy, because they required it.  They made us jog and walk more because they wanted to do it with us.

I became a better cook, helping my kids cook their recipes. I’ll admit, before they moved back in I had fallen into some lazy, empty-nest habits – like making the same things over and over again because it’s easier than actually trying something new. 

I also was grocery shopping almost every day because, well, it was just the two of us.  But my kids and the pandemic required that we plan our meals and shop once a week – with a list.

Even my husband started getting more energy.  Pre-pandemic, if I asked him to do anything on the weekend – anything, from going to the movies to dinner with friends – I’d get the same refrain: “I’ve hit the wall.” But while the kids were here, they didn’t care about that imaginary wall. They made him do things like play games and just get moving. 

After they left, he has become much more agreeable to my suggestions.  A few weekends ago we played golf (OK, eight holes and then he hit the wall).  We hiked the Chimney Bluffs trail on Lake Ontario (OK, it’s a walk – but a really long one you have to drive to). He even suggested a game of backgammon. On a Tuesday!

And then I knew my husband had been changed for the good when he actually started asking about the show "Schitt’s Creek" and if I had seen it. Had I seen it? Of course I’d seen it.

And then he asked the question that made me stop in my tracks: “Would I be willing to watch it again?”

The husband’s typical empty nest TV-watching habits include things like "The Nightly News" (as if it were 1964 and he didn’t know the news before 6:30 p.m.) and lots and lots of episodes of "Chopped" on the Food Network.  Getting him to watch a series or a movie at home was as unlikely as getting him to go to a movie theater.  And here he was, willing to watch all six seasons of a show that I loved. 

I started to get a little misty, grateful that even after 37 years together the husband can surprise me.  And then I started to laugh a lot with my husband as we watched the Rose family learn and grow – just the way we Shermans have.

First Published in the Democrat and Chronicle and USA Today Network.