Talismans and Curses

When I started traveling globally sharing my message about how to show up as the best version of yourself I didn’t always see myself as an Outlaw Leader. I often had a voice in my own head drowning out the positive message I shared with my audiences. My, “who the f$%k do you think you are?” voice.

Physician heal thyself should be my mantra.

Over the years working with leaders, focusing on helping them to own their own voices, I have worked hard to replace that voice with another one -  my own Outlaw Leader voice. The one that lives up to, and behaves according to my core values of integrity (aka truth), humor (aka generosity), and connectedness (aka impact).

But I have found that sometimes self-talk isn’t enough. Sometimes you need an external reminder to help you show up the way you want to. An object that will help you remember the power in you. A talisman, which by definition is an object imbued with magical powers. But in this case the magic is the reminder that the power is within you to impact the world with who you are.

I’ve always loved to give away to my clients, and hold onto talismans myself. Objects that I can touch and feel as a reminder of the way I wish to be in the world. It could be a piece of jewelry, the power outfit I choose to wear, or even a small stone or coin that I carry in my pocket and touch.

My favorite talisman was a ring given to me as a gift after facilitating an event for the leadership organization, YPO. My session was all about showing up with an EDGE: Explore, Dream, Grow & Excite® and and sharing stories that will move your audience.

All through the event I noticed one of the members fully participating in every exercise. We all seek our ideal audience, and there he was right there in the room. I loved his energy and his intentionality. Every time he raised his hand to participate, I could not help but notice the massive silver ring on his finger.

At the end of the session as we gathered I thanked him for being so enthusiastic and I asked him to show me the ring up close. And when I saw it, I doubled over in the laughter.

The massive silver ring had boldly written on it “F$%K YOU.”

The group offered to buy me the ring as a gift at the after-party at this member’s jewelry store aptly named, The Rebel Jeweler. I seized the moment to say, “No, I want the one off your finger.” And right there he handed me the ring off his finger and gave it to me as a gift.

I loved that it only fit on my thumb and that it was worn and weathered from his wearing it. It felt powerful to have the bold statement on it without having to say it out loud - something I was working on personally as a commitment to my kids and my departed Dad who always hated the phrase (ironic given he was a gynecologist).

It felt like exactly the right external reminder to help me quiet that negative voice in my head – it wasn’t about saying it to others, but saying it to my own internal naysayer. It became a personal talisman. And I wore it whenever I spoke all over the world.

Until a month ago. When that ring somehow disappeared off my finger and is now, nowhere to be found.

Here’s the thing, when a talisman becomes a crutch that turns the magic you’ve given it into a curse over you. The ring didn’t make me powerful I did, by reframing the thoughts in my head and finding a bold way to be in the world.

And when the object has power over you instead of you imbuing it with your power – it’s time to let it go.

Of course, I didn’t let this one go by choice. And I do still love the bold, irreverence of the ring – not to mention the feeling on my thumb when I wear it.

So while I’m letting go of its magical powers, I’m definitely buying a new one for myself. One that I’ll wear with pride and a new thought pattern borne of years of rewriting my own narrative. Yes, it won’t be the one off that amazing guy’s finger, but it will remind me of his energy and generosity every time I wear it.

Outlaw Leadership® is all about finding power within yourself and sharing it with the world in order to make an impact - or when necessary, to boldly say with a big thumbs up and a smile: f$#k you. (And yes I know I’m not fully writing it - but remember I’m honoring dear Dad).